1. Did you know this is how he is when you married him? As previously stated in one of my posting: This relationship is my first serious one; I was naive if not outright idealistic when it came to relationship. Before it, I didn't date much but focused on my studies and my career in a start-up jewelry design, manufacturing, & marketing company; I was being offered training in preparation for opening my own office in Tulsa, Oklahoma. My spouse and I met in February 1996; we eloped in June of the same year. I didn't mind then that his apartment was messy because I truly believed the reasons he used to justify his lifestyle: he was an international, full-time graduate student who was also a part-time teaching assistant, and running a sideline business in recruiting international students for various language schools. A year into the marriage got me convinced that this messy lifestyle is truly reflective of who my spouse is; that is one of the reasons I asked for a divorce, which was quickly denied with a promise that things will get better. Things did get better for a while then started to slide back to where they had been before; and by that time, we were pregnant with our only child. [I was stuck yet still idealistic and dumb—instead of focusing on our child while dividing my time between helping my spouse with his career, side businesses, and online teaching, and my career, I put all my resources into developing his professional and business objectives.]
2. How is your son's room? Is he living like his father? Thankfully, no; although he does understandably need reminders from me on days when he's tired and / or stressed out from school. There was a time period during which we constantly bickered back and forth about why his father can live a messy lifestyle but he can't. Now, all I have to ask him is, "Would you choose to be a better person, living an authentic life and relating to others with honesty and have them do the same with you? Or would you rather pretend to be someone you're not and live a lie that you would have to conceal from almost everyone?" Almost always, his answers fall in to the first category; and for his willingness to plumb the depth of analysis that question requires, am truly grateful [and proud].
3. How is your room? My room, which is the master bedroom, barely has anything but is clean and uncluttered.
I used to work for the INS, now the USCIS, and reading your blog, I've to say that I think your naivete and unquestioned trust, coupled with your naturalized citizenship, set you up as an easy target for an F-1 student looking to secure his Green Card (and citizenship, too). There are just too many jerks like this out there.
ReplyDeleteOther than internship, practicum, research or student teaching, are students on F-1 visas allowed to set up, run and profit from sideline businesses? Did your ex have a work visa or special permissions?
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